Ruminating On Rumi

As you start to walk out on the way, the way appears.

~ M. Rumi

Friday, May 31, 2013

Grievances


I believe one of the biggest stumbling blocks to emotional and spiritual freedom is holding grievances against events or people.  In this blog I’ll talk about grievances against parents.
Grievances of past not only harm present familial interactions but invariably do deep damage to one’s self. Holding a grievance is a way of saying what you did has power over me; my choices and behaviors are dictated by that.  In short, I have no free will, my fate has been predetermined by what you did or didn’t do.
My response to this would be, grow up. Let’s assume that most of us try to do the best we can.  Even our parents.  Let’s even go a little further and with grace admit that everyone can only act in the spirit of their own level of consciousness.  Let’s take this even deeper and say if others are not aware of how they have taken on the patterns of past generations then those behaviors likely will show up in how they relate to the world. Inside each of us, for our entire lives, is the archetype of the child. Our parents may have been wounded children as well.  Without the knowledge of archetypes or an understanding of the multileveled aspects of our being they could only act from their own place of knowing. 

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Let’s ask a question.  Do I really believe my parents deliberately tried to harm or emotionally scar me? Honestly, no.  I think they were doing the best they could to their abilities and with their social and generational conditionings. None of our children nor us were born with a manual of what our soul’s needs were. Knowing exactly the depth of my love and my good intentions as a mother, I can imagine my parents felt the same. 
What is the remedy for harboring grievances? Forgiveness. Understanding.
I understand my parents made mistakes; I, as a parent made mistakes. Believe me, I am only too well aware of it. I have beat myself up and carried that monkey of guilt on my back for far too many years. I forgave my parents many years ago; it is now time to forgive myself. 

One step further. Can we look beyond the veils of our sense of injustice and admit that maybe we caused our parents emotional harm and grief?   Did we mean to harm them? No. We are here in these meat suits to learn. The soul contract we had with our parents can be seen as a gift rather then a grievance. If we can turn our childhood grievances into gifts of power and strength through adversity then we all win. 
Let’s start today with a clean slate. Let the past be passed. Let this moment be filled with forgiveness, understanding. Love.